Perhaps it is because it is Sunday. Perhaps it is because I am up to my eyeballs with books telling me what I must do. Perhaps it was a message from a dear friend. Perhaps, it was the last beautiful day we will have for a long time in Minnesota. Winter is coming, and I went for a walk that reminded me of all of my walking tours around the world. I walk around with a secret smile, because it's unnatural to be perpetually happy. I am happy with a content feeling, but I have perfected hiding my smile. It's just a calm state of being without showing my teeth. It's a thin lipped action that lifts up my cheeks, but, not too much corner of the mouth, and definitely no teeth. I am not snarling at people. People don't quite get this expression. It almost looks neutral, like Switzerland or even the Mona Lisa. Perhaps it is a look of quiet discomfort, like a person who hasn't had a bowel movement in weeks.
Whatever, that ever is...something has just happened. It's not the weather. It's something quite special. I think, no I am almost certain that I have finally worked through my subconscious sludge and I am finally able to write what I see. I think I have finally feel that surge, to pick up that quill and go at it again. Three years, in a flurry and three years in a silent mode.
And there are times when you get to a bit of information that takes you that long to work on and work out. Sometimes you find you are too cluttered and you have been hoarding your thoughts to such a point that everything comes out as complete rubbish.
And sometimes you're dealing with a whole world of hurt, and the more you try to deal with it, the more it explodes in your face.
I don't know if I ever shared the story about the psychic with the purple hat in Colorado Springs. He looked like a cross being a Tele-tubby and a Harry Potter character. Actually, if I am to be absolutely truthful, I wanted to ask him if he was Brent Spiner. However, he didn't look like the character, Data, that he is famous for. No, I happened to get the Area 51 version. If you remember the scientist from the movie, Independence Day, yeah. I got that Brent Spiner character. Complete with long straggly hair, nerd glasses and a Harry Potter purple wizard's dunce cap (decorated in Lucky Charms).
Why I go to these people, from time to time...is out of a hope that I would run into a real one. Then I realize, the real ones don't do this stuff for money. They run from this crap like the plague and it's usually not fun nor is it funny (well it can be).
It was the fall of 2000, and as crazy as it sounds, this guy was border-line real. I mean he was a hot mess. Out of all of the stuff he was seeing and saying (like predicting a global war (a really big thing is coming, but don't worry. You are going to be completely safe)). He predicted a divorce, a death and he ask me not to write, "THE book." I think the reason I got into such a writing frenzy was I didn't want to worry anymore. I wrote 5 books and I already found a book called "The Book". Alan Watts wrote it and it had an infinity sign on the cover. Someone already had done it.
All of these barriers, road blocks and stop signs are of my own doing.
Sure, I may be going through a medical crisis. Small potatoes. We all die of something. Right now, I am too tired to care about dying. I am more excited about living.
I am resisting the temptation of a 'you' message at this point. You know, a lot of people forget a very important thing. They forget what they really are taking with them. If all that you are is contained in your heart and your mind...when that energy surge hits and you dissipate into the ground. However your essence leaves your bodily host, it will not return. If all you could take with you were your memories and a version of hell was to relive your entire life over and over again, WOULD you be able to stomach your own life??
What an interesting thought to leave with.