"I am...am I?", said I

Along the many rides between campuses a single sign seemed to speak.  Among all of the advertisements that seem to numb the mind, to motivate, influence, prick away at wants and needs.  Across the piles of concrete and trees I zoomed in on words I had thought I imagined.  "What did that just say?"  hmmm...maybe I imagined seeing that.  Depending on the route the driver chose, it would seem odd to me to see these words, in my own language come to me.  They seemed to shout.  Who is this "I" and why would I care that this "I" is here?  What is it time for? 

That is one way to look at it.  There is a presence about a person who knows who they are.  It's undeniable.  When they walk into a room, something about the way the person speaks that gathers all of the attention and energy of the moment to themselves.  It could be that words are not required, and all eyes are upon them, drinking in their visage.  Perhaps we look for a flaw to feel that moment of triumph that confirms their mortality.  Perhaps that sounds weak, but the honesty of admitting our strange sense of inferiority when we encounter the gifted pricks away at our own being.  People are weak and there are many that can't stand someone that might have more ability.   Those looking glass moments when we see the best or worst in ourselves reflected in everyone around us.  Often you hear the smatterings of, "Who do they think they are!"  Of course that person is oblivious of the heated jealous nature.  Petty and self interested.  Frail and insecure.  We don't like to admit it at all because we have been driven to compete against each other and competition doesn't actually bring out the best in people, no, most often it just brings out the worst.

"It's a dog eat dog world out there." Or, "people" eat "people".

I said there was another way to look at the sign, and it actually seemed so simple.  Many sages since the beginning of time have been telling us a number of things.  Philosophers, scientists, writers, mystics, teachers, and leaders from all points of society have all been on the same road.  The quest for identity.  Here is wherever you are.  Time changes and doesn't change.   However it is always now.  You are the I.  Where does that leave us? 

Determining the what.  The what to show up for.  The what to create.  The what is your choice, path, opportunity, decision.  The what is your life. 

However, it seems there is a huge problem right now with decision making.  A huge lack of direction is going on, a lack of vision that seemed to have blinded many able bodied people.  We all seem to go after someone because we lack vision for our own lives.  We are on the hunt for the scapegoat.  The sacrificial lamb to blame for our choices.  It is the easy way out.

OR is it?  At the end of the day, you still have to look in the mirror and look at your own life.  Do you really do all you could with your life?  Is someone else responsible for living YOUR life for you?  All of those little compromises you make, the selling out points, the quiet justifications that someone else will fix it or solve it...comes down to realizing that you have to be here.  You have to show up.  You have to realize the time is always now.  You have to present yourself.   Finally...you have to decide to make a difference wherever you are.

I thought about it and we could look at it very differently indeed. We don't need to run away from our ego, we need to stop beating it up and hating it, and we really have to stop giving a damn about what anyone thinks.  We also have to stop looking for two people.  The person to blame and the person to save us from ourselves.  What could we accomplish if we never found those two people?

Perhaps we might even understand how empowered we might feel if we actually said these words.

"It's time...Here I am", said I.

and then did something.

Don't look for testicles.  You are who you are.  Don't be afraid of the reflection.  Perhaps that is why vampires fear their reflection.  There is nothing to see when someone feeds off others...