You, O venerable one, are perhaps indeed a seeker, because, in striving for your goal, there are many things that you don't see, even though they are right in front of your eyes.” Hermann Hesse, Siddhartha
A single woman posted an ad on Craigslist today that caused a huge response in the Minneapolis/St. Paul area. I know, because I was that poster that happened to browse through the personals. Blame it on a long winter, or a touch of Spring fever. Whatever that fever was, I had a Jerry McGuire moment at around 2 am. The headline was "What This Woman Wants". Two hours later, my email alerts were coming in like popcorn. First slowly, than as the Twin Cities woke up, my email account exploded.
"I just checked the posts and there was something rather depressing. Some people are so jaded, only posting about what their needs are and giving a whole list that when you sum it up, they might be better off with a prostitute to service them. To be incredibly honest, no one is looking for anything lasting. Perhaps a bandage for their emotionally mangled lives. If it sounds like I am being judgmental, I am. We all are when we read these posts. The real questions we should be asking is do we really even know how to love? Seriously, if all you are looking for is sex, you might have a great relationship with your hand, but another living, breathing person who is this illusion of who your ideal might be isn't really going to cut it for any of us looking. We grow intolerant as the years go by, perhaps less forgiving, less patient and the honest truth is we are incredibly selfish people who are basically trying to find our own reflection in a stranger's eyes. I have my ideals, you will have yours, but what if we tried to be the kind of person we were searching for? Or are we trying to find a person that compliments our shortcomings? Chances are, if there is a person I don't like, I can't image doing anything with you. If you are a person I want to get to know, I would go through hell and back just to be with you. That's how it works. I wouldn't have to like what you like, or live the way you live, but I would have to feel some incredible force that would draw me to you and THAT is what I am looking for. To be honest, it's rare, but it's real. I don't settle for anything fake in my life. I don't have time for that kind of crap and neither do you. I don't care what you believe. I only care that you are in possession of a heart. Who we are, essentially is what we decide to reveal to the world, and frankly people mostly lie or identify solely with a title of their choosing to create an identity because they have forgotten long ago what has given them life. The type of man that I have been attracted to in the past, well, he's a man. I have had long term relationships, they tend to teach me more than having a high body count (that was when I was young, and I wouldn't qualify those as relationships, more like editing along the way the kind of man I don't want to be with). So, if you are still out there, in this city, and you happen to be reading this, it's your choice. Either we find each other in the most serendipitous way possibly, or you reply and start a conversation. For the young men who are looking to fulfill some "Mrs. Robinson" fantasy, no thanks boys. I have a son who is older than you, and for me, that is NOT a fantasy I am going to enact in this lifetime. AGE: 48 -58. Fellas, I have only one physical requirement. Be in shape (mentally, emotionally and physically). I have one relationship requirement: Be unattached (I am not looking for a Duece Biggalo). Be yourself.
I may have to face the reality that a lot of you are married and that I may be single for the rest of my life. That's fine. I am OK with that. However, I thought I would toss this note in a bottle for one last attempt to try to meet you. This imaginary person in my head, the construction of my own imagination or somewhere out there. Don't worry, I am not looking for someone to save me. I most certainly am not going to try to save or change you." That love...that ultimate intangible."
The response wasn't that I was necessarily looking for attention, but I was expressing what I was seeing. Had we really just come to a point where we stop seeking relationships and just use message boards to hit up each other for sex, because no one is willing to risk their hearts? I considered my own life. Seriously, I hadn't WANTED to open up myself. I hadn't wanted to be vulnerable. By being anonymous, I found that I was feeling the freedom to simply express the observations of what I was seeing. From 2 am - 10:21 am today, I received 50 responses before my ad was flagged for being 'inappropriate'.
I only received three replies that unleashed a world of hate towards me, waiting to bait me with the ever popular C--- and unleashing assorted personal attacks. Sadly, they personalized my observations and didn't realize that they were about the general quality of Craigslist posts. 47 messages were incredibly encouraging. "im 25 years old and I AM NOT LOOKING TO HOOK UP WITH YOU !!!! i just wanted to wish you the best in finding someone to love and spend the rest of your life with, i was in a relationship for 6 years, and ive been single for a little over a year now and i have pretty much givin up on even trying to find anyone..." That means the MAJORITY are also tired of the meaningless kinds of 'relationships' that are advertised on Craigslist.
"I sincerely hope you connect with someone worthy of the mind and heart you so obviously have.
I don't do online dating at all and have only recently perused the CL lists out of lonely curiosity, originally only looking for a cheap bed (the furniture kind, that is), but from the few days I've peeked in on these personals I can heartily agree with how sad so much of the people's atittudes are towards approaching a relationship.
We've both made it through a very hard winter that is perhaps a good metaphor for the state of our hearts, and I wish you luck and hope the Spring finds you some joy."
"What you said in your post so eloquently describes what's wrong with many of us, men and women, in today's society. I'm 25, and I hate how my generation defines Love and Relationships. I can't find anyone compatible because I get labeled "Old-Fashioned" and "Desperate" because I'm paying attention to what emotions a person invokes in me and vice versa. Your words stated that perfectly and it's refreshing to read. "
"(Begins slow clapping)
Good morning,
I'm glad that someone has FINALLY had the guts and nerve to address the issues with a lot of these posts and the impossible matches they're looking for.
I agree that almost all men on here are looking for sex and that's it, there's nothing wrong with wanting to have sex but it doesn't compare to making love with that special person who you connect with on multiple levels. I've had two partners in my life and it's by choice, I'm a gentleman who takes the time to know someone before just jumping into bed with them.
I wish you the best of luck on your search and wish you happiness."
But mainly this response was what I was seeking, a confirmation that I wasn't the ONLY one who was seeing this.
"Enjoyed Reading your posting!
I am a bit too old for you at 59, But yust wanted to let you know
there are guys out there looking for the same things.
Again Well Said! and Best wishes in your search."
No, I really am not seeking anyone through the virtual world and I am NOT criticizing people who do find love that way. If it happens for me, I want it to be in the real world through an imperfect situation in the course of everyday life. That's how I would love for it to happen.
However bleak it may look, there are others out there wanting to believe again, but this time, I think we are all realizing that a list doesn't really work. What does work is being that person that is loving and kind in order to attract the good in the world. Or something like that. We are NOT alone.
Here's to love and not giving up. Love still exists, with or without someone to share it with.
Catching a vision for life was the focus of my day. In a strange sequence of events (for me, it seems that strange is my new normal), I found myself being forced to wait and think about my desires. I won't kill you with my rambling words from my original draft where I hunt down a thought and then beat it to a bloody pulp once I capture it. I will say though, I thought about what a man named, Brooks, who is near 60 shared with me, "There are two types of people in this world. Those that sell their bodies and those that use their minds." Having a job is selling your body, using your mind, is knowing people and building relationships that are in agreement to produce a desired outcome. Now, this doesn't really seem so profound, but the thoughts that followed led me to go out for a day with just myself. I felt drawn to see places where I used to go and to reflect on the passage of 23 years to see the changes that have happened here in my hometown and to share glimpses of my home. I think it was the first time I had felt like and acted like a tourist in my own city. I took out my camera and became the observer.
In looking at the here and now, I am fortunate to be here. Minneapolis is a beautiful city, kind, and in different ways, it's thriving. I shot pictures of places I looked at growing up. I noticed places that had changed, the cityscape had been altered and retouched. Once place I was drawn to was the State Theater. In my youth, it was my church, the former Jesus People's Church, where ironically I had performed with their youth group. I had been on that very stage for our congregation. Over 23 years ago, I watched that church fall under its own weight of multiple scandals that included embezzlement, sexual affairs, and statutory rape. I don't know why I stayed as long as I did, almost to the point of the actual doors finally closing. It seemed like as I became an adult, I saw my innocence die with my church. I choose to think that it was my ignorance instead of my innocence, but that may be wishful thinking. I saw the conflict of teaching and the reality of living life.
Today, as I looked at the State Theater, and see the image of 'La Cage Aux Folles', I remembered a night that changed my life. It was on Hennepin Avenue, at this very spot I had made my first openly gay friend. At the time he was suicidal over his orientation and had been openly condemned by a youth pastor. I found him crying, and instead of walking away, we walked up and down Hennepin Avenue together, holding hands as I listened to his confessions. It was the first time in my life where I began to realize that the practice of condemning people, or more accurately, hating people, was anything but 'Christian'. I didn't talk him out of suicide. I listened. He was the one that chose life. Too often people think they have to save people or change people when we don't possess that kind of power or control over others. All I did was to just accept him as he was. I chose love over judgement, even though my belief 'system' conflicted.
It's 23 years later and the State Theater's marquee was a reminder that change is very much a part of life and that sometimes all you really need to do for someone else is just accept them as they are. Love always wins, though not always in the way that you might think. Maybe that is why I smile so much, after all, it's the best way to take on the world.
I was 14 years old (young) and I was inspired by a teacher. This was many years ago, but this teacher was a history teacher. I adored him because I felt like he gave me a passion for humanity by sharing the story of the Jewish people. I learned a new word, Holocaust. I learned about genocide, and what I also learned was about the role our country played in liberating the Jewish people. I wept over the 6 million people, for at last, I found a story I felt I could relate to.
"Never Again" was my passion and it inspired me to join the Air Force at the age of 21.
I was not aware of the whole story. I didn't know anything about Zionism, but I felt the passion to be protective of the legacy. These people had known such total pain. They had seen their families killed, had their property stolen, and when liberated, they had nothing to go back to. I sought out concentration camp survivors, befriended them, heard their stories...and found one problem. They still had an incredible amount of hate. They never could forgive. It was them against the world and they lived in fear of people. I wrestled with points of forgiveness within my own life. I knew what it was like, as many people in this world have experienced, many forms of pain, suffering and abuses.
Forgiveness? NEVER!
That is what I identified with. I understand both. I understand what it is to forgive someone who doesn't deserve it. I understand what it is not to forgive. I will say that I suffered the most by not forgiving. It was by not forgiving that I was never able to forget. It was by not forgiving that I had kept my own hatred alive. It was by not forgiving that I kept talking about my own pain and the pain of others. I had kept ripping those wounds open over and over again. It had made me an unpleasant person. It had made me an unforgiving person, demanding impossible levels of perfection from all who were in my life.
I went through my own path in personal areas of my life to let go of the pain so my deep wounds could at last heal in my life. I cried easily because I finally was able to cry. I finally was able to laugh. I finally was able to smile. I was finally able to see because my thinking had changed. It wasn't distorted by hatred and violence.
I began to question what we were doing. I began to see a darker picture of the lies that had been pushed on the American people, the world, the UN, and other nations saw through the lies that Americans so readily believe, because it IS incomprehensible that we would not be able to trust our government. A government that professed freedom (but there is none), liberty (but there is none), and the pursuit of happiness (but at least we have it in writing).
What I have provided are three messages that I would like people to share and understand. These three messages alone did not change my mind about the State of Israel. No, far from it. I started following the information by following history and the incomprehensible question that led me on this journey. I had to find out one answer. Like with any crime, you must have a motive.
Nagging away was the following question. What transformed a nation to rise up against a minority group? What caused these people to rise up and slaughter them? I had gone to West Germany as a youth instead of Israel. I looked at the Germans and could not comprehend what I saw. I saw a free and open society, many races, many differences and a very beautiful culture. They were a prosperous people, hard working, strong families, and a powerful belief in their society. Was it Patriotism alone that killed the Jews in foreign soils?
How do you ask a nation, "Why did you kill these people?"
I did ask the question. Several times I asked the question. I received many responses. There were some that still hated the Jews. There were some that were not able to respond. "It was the thing to do at the time." or "It was safe to hate them." but the answer that summed it up the best, "It was like a river of hatred that swept us all in. It was socially acceptable to hate them, because everyone hated them. It was no loss to hate them because they hated us."
Some of the answers stunned me. I didn't comprehend this level of hatred.
One thing that stunned me years later, was this group of people that were representative of my years of service, to be a 'champion' of human rights through my military service, to prevent genocide and serve for humanitarian missions was the content of my heart. I could find reasons to continue serving. Albania, Bosnia, Serbia...and the Kurdish minorities who were abused by the Iraqi Republican Guard...I heard and watched their cried...that is up until Rwanda and Brunhdi. We did not go in because they were black. We could have saved 20 percent of their populations. We could have gone in when the UN pulled out.
We did nothing and I wept when I was in Germany. It would be 15 years later, when I would meet the children of hell who survived and became students of mine in China. I would find fresh tears on my face, not because of what they went through, but of the lessons of forgiveness they continue to teach the world.
I would also meet a Kurdish student who thanked me for my service because of what his people suffered under the Saddam regime. Still, I was not convinced. Iraq had turned into a war for oil and not so much about the atrosicities committed against the Iraqis and Kurds.
Hatred. Genocide. These two powerful words are bolstered with a third, Holocaust.
I have faced these words, vowing always to be on the side of good. On the side of humanity. That to me, was paramount. That was my oath, upon the altar of my heart. Without any doubt, or moment of mental reservation would I stand up for people that I felt needed a voice.
That is my "Never Again". Never again to fuel the fires of hatred. However, there is another truth that must surface. Hurt people often abuse others. Many abusers, murderers, rapists were also victimized.
Within the last few years, I have finally been able to see and willing to look at a place called "Palestine". I immediately would tune out anything that had to do with Israel because of the images of the Holocaust. It was as if it was a form of magic had been used to keep me blind.
What ever I thought I had known about Palestine, was hugely distorted.
The nation of Israel had USED the Holocaust to shield their actions against the Palestinians. I learned from the Jewish people, from soldiers, from the stories and images of the killed and wounded. I began to finally see what many Americans were kept from seeing.
These stories are about humanity. Humanity is for all. No one race is more protected than another, for evil is easy to see. When a woman is beaten and a child ripped from her arms. When a family is forced out of their own home at machine gun point. When people are killed for standing up for their families, their homes and for their community...
it is simple.
It is inhumane.
If you are loyal to Israel, as I was, take a real look at what is being done, using American funding. We have become the evil we have feared by supporting the persecution of the Palestinians. The Palestinians have been occupied, slaughtered and displaced from their own nation. No matter what your beliefs are, your heart should reveal that this is as inhumane.
Before the nation of Israel was established, without the consent of Palestine, Muslims, Jews and Christians lived in peace together.
There hasn't been a lasting peace since 1946. I have heard from Palestinians who have told me, "I will never leave my homeland." They have lived under the shadow of death their entire lives. Isn't it time for the key of peace to be given out?
Which comes from understanding that most of our beliefs are embedded along the way. If we have our media, governments and families shape our beliefs, it is for their purposes and not for us to discover our own.
Years later, I had found my history teacher. I had asked him about Zionism. He had said, "There is no such thing as Zionism." My heart sank. I knew right then and there that he had withheld the truth, which is the same as lying. A person I had held up with such high regard, was not even to marry the woman he had loved because their religions were different. He had begged me to see Israel one day in my travels.
Instead, I saw Palestine. I saw the truth of how these people were treated, with hatred instead of love.
Believe nothing, ever, because believing is not knowing.
Know by learning and teaching yourself along the way.
Greetings my friends. I have returned to my broken battered friend, America. I had heard all of the stories about body cavities searches, scanners and law suits. I braced myself as I boarded my flight from Nanjing, China to begin my journey in total peace. I wondered what I was going to face as I flew in semi turbulent air, but even my past flight anxiety evaporated. If I was going to make it to America or not, well, it was all out of my control. I let the pilots do their job, and I simply did mine. I finally let go of trying to control everything and spoke to others along the journey. I went through security and saw all of the agents, weary, they did their jobs, but all that I had heard seemed to be a huge myth as I walked through JFK. I was back in America. However, I seemed to be looking for the land of the free. Were people still pursuing life, liberty and happiness? Right now, I see what appears like sacrificial lambs. When I left the University I noticed a new object that was installed, it looks like a sacrifice altar set up on the new campus.
Maybe it was an altar, acknowledging the sacrifices of old wars, however I was hoping that it was not an altar asking for new blood. We all have shed enough blood. I thought of all of the stories I had been told along the way from people from all over the world. I have asked many to share their stories for the purpose of promoting not peace, but love and understanding. I have been incredibly flawed along my journey, You can look back throughout my blog. I am human and make mistakes, but I also don't want to talk down or up to people. I want as many people as possible to be able to read and understand and share the message of this simple page. We don't have to have war to be at peace. We can start by learning how to love people and to stop being so self-centered.
As I came in to the United States, I would smile at people and I saw their fear in their eyes, coupled with furrowed brows and looks of pain. We have done a good job of being divided. We sacrifice much for those whom we love; our friends, family, countries, and religions. The things we believe in. The things we love. I want to use this to promote peace and love to all people. For the people I don't know. For the countries who are not my homeland. In short, for strangers. As I myself, have been a stranger in strange lands doing impossible things. Extending hands of compassion to those I have never met before.
So in the future I am going to share stories from all that I have come to understand and know. We all have a story. There is no right way or wrong way. However, I think it is time to realize that we need to stop letting others use our beliefs against us. To stop letting others take our love and turning it into hate. I walked out their in the world and I learned to listen to all over you. I have shaken your hands, smiled with you, cried with you, and shared my life with you.
We all have been torn up enough. I stopped being afraid of all of you. I learned how to love you as you all are. You shared your hearts, dreams and minds with me. Now, some of my friends are going to share their lives with you. We have all cast stones at each other, it is time to end the competitions, comparisons, and see we all can build bridges to each other.
There is no more blood that needs to be shed. There is nothing to forgive. You are all my friends and I accept you just as you are even if you can't accept me. You aren't required to. I am required to accept you if I want to be at peace. We sacrifice only our ego, our self-interest in order to be the change we want to see in others.
I am willing to do that. I have no control over if you are not willing to do that. None whatsoever. It's your choice.
It is at times amazing what you see when your eyes are open. There are a lot of people who wear t-shirts in other languages they don't speak, most of the t-shirts in Korea are riddled with misspellings, advertisements lifted off of web pages...in short they are walking billboards transmitting messages that are lost in translation. It is more compelling to me when the message is worn by someone that just appears lost in their own world. Somehow, this woman seemed to be the perfect person to wear this message to "Believe in Love".
The simple things in life, like watching a little girl cross the barriers to play in the fountain, not caring if she gets drenched in the process. Most of us want to be that little girl, straining to touch the water on a hot day. However, we sit on the bench and watch others get wet The laughter of this one child carried a pitch throughout the courtyard. A laugh that was just pure joy.
It is when you realize that half of the time most people walk around with blinders on their eyes, too busy to see something beautiful and rare as the blooms of a sunflower on an urban street...that make you stop and gaze. You know it won't last for seasons change, so the wise ones stop. Everyone else goes on in a hurry, because that is what life demands of us.
I decided to throw a video, up on the end of this post. It isn't the preferred version with Downey walking around the mansion just after going through his drug hell, but the words are what a lot of people feel after they have lived a while. People have to want love in order to have love and sometimes, wanting it is just isn't enough.
Symbolism is very important to cultures around the world. For Buddhists, the lotus blossom is a very prominent symbol. Even with coming up for the name of this blog I thought about what the Louts Sutra means in eastern culture, the discourse of Buddha towards the end of his life, which was written in India about 1st century BCE. Although the myth is that this text was written during Buddha's life and stored for 500 years with the dragons because the peoples of his time were not ready for this knowledge. Still today, it is a rare text to come across.
Most Buddha images will have a lotus blossom in the Buddha's hand...as if it is a clue. However, what draws me to many religious texts were not so much about the doctrines and dogmas, but how they were written in codes and riddles leaving the reader with something to ponder. To motivate the reader to exercise the matter that lies within their skulls.
Even this display of wrapped prayer strips tied together with long strings. It could be the act itself is enough for someone to have a little faith that someone cares about the struggles, dreams, and wishes one has. The real need to be validated, to release their troubles to someone other that those closest to them. Perhaps it serves as a form of therapy that needs to exist outside of therapists and counselors.
I personally thought that someone had died when I saw one of these displays. I wanted to extend my condolences. However, instead when you see one of these floral displays in front of a business, it is a wish for success for a new business. So once again, I do see how different we can be when we apply our own culture outside of our realm. Shame on me.
Finally, I thought about how it is a rare thing for friends of the same gender to walk arm in arm or to hold hands. Our natural tendency to be protective of our personal space. I have to say that I was personally startled the first time I was grabbed by the hand. It just really isn't done. To walk arm-in-arm, clutching each other is such an act of familiarity that I had to stop myself from being so rigid. I get shocked by the innocence, and somehow that just makes me smile. I still get surprised.
